All Sorts of All or Nothing

I was 8. I remember saying goodbye to Liquorice Allsorts in a very unpleasant way after returning from a birthday party. Ever since, I have disliked Liquorice Allsorts! Some don’t understand. Others think I’m crazy and that I do not know what I’m missing out on. It makes me think of how often we, so easily, after one unpleasant experience, adopt the all-or-nothing approach.  

Perhaps you’ve had a similar experience. A disastrous race. A stage fright performance. An unsuccessful proposal or application. A broken relationship. Unmerited criticism. And you’re done. You’ve vowed: never again! And this soon becomes the off limits and no-go zone. What was once the life-giving potential of progress, adventure, relationship and a dream come true, is now untouchable. 

While walking in my garden, a rich green leaf caught my eye. It lay on the ground, detached, and had a shiny water droplet on top. The leaf had not absorbed the drop. The very thing that offered life seemed shut out. And I knew if this prolonged, this leaf would soon end up like the leaf next to it: completely dried out with cracks and broken pieces. Unpleasant past experiences, no matter their nature, have the potential to tell this same tale if we don’t allow life back into that space again. This leaves us broken and with that a portion of hope leaves too. 

Thankfully self-preservation instincts kick in and we survive. These are vital for a season. If prolonged, it can create an extreme fragile bubble around that vulnerable and protected space, declaring it untouchable and impenetrable. Like the droplet on the leaf, it’s right there, but we shut it out. It seems punishing to reopen and revisit that zone. But what if that awkward invasion releases the very life we’ve been after or quenches that desperate need we’ve longingly had? I fear we’re missing out on some of the very things that were made and meant to give us hope and life! 

So our choice is to take the all-or-nothing approach or decide to revisit and reopen aspects of life and hope again through: 

• CLOSURE It is important to bring closure to the previous unpleasant experience before moving forward. This is the most difficult part. And, yes, it’s a scary step, but so worthwhile when the life and hope return. Remember you are not going to dwell there. The goal is to break the untouchable bubble of the no-go zone and to move forward. Be sure to be clear on what transpired. What actually happened? Tackle the facts. How did this make you feel? What did you learn about yourself and the process? Unpack this in some way perhaps through journaling your story; chatting to a trusted friend; expressing this artistically; seeing a councilor or whichever way suits you best. Give yourself acceptable time to bring closure. 

• CLARITY Closure reveals invaluable findings, which help embrace the next step. Use this knowledge to clarify and shape your way forward. Remember these findings when setting up boundaries and accountability for this journey, which may look different now. Be clear about where you’re headed and what that needs to look like. This is when hope resets!

• COURAGE It’s time to move. What are your options? What is your next best move? Just one strategic move. Now, take courage and make your move. Courage is a continual process. 

I’m not sure where you’re at with your no-go zones. But I’ll let you in on a secret on one of mine: I’ve tasted Liquorice All Sorts a few times since! I still don’t like them, but I do love liquorice! You, too, may find a win between the layers!