Harmony and the YET space
Harmony is the relationship building talent that has its eye on common ground. Where do we see eye-to-eye? What we do agree on? I enjoy the accelerating potential of the Harmony talent in that it helps people who get stuck on their differences, to keep moving forward though negotiation and facilitation as they’re drawn to common ground.
While people with the Harmony talent generally don’t enjoy disagreements, disputes and squabbles, we cannot avoid conflict. It’s a part of life. We’re not always going to see eye-to-eye with every person in any given scenario. So it would be true to say that those who have the Harmony talent are going to face conflict at some point. The very thing they dislike! And they may want to shy away or run away…
The conflict is unsettling. That space often brings on a lot of anxiety and stress. The person is often left feeling vulnerable. The current state of affairs causes turmoil…. So, how do we cope in that uncomfortable space? What one feels in this space, feels final. It seems that this space is the final outcome because it is the current reality. And the person with the Harmony talent can see what after effects this conflict is going to have, particularly on the people or the team. It doesn’t feel good, nor is it hopeful. Are things harmonious at this point? No.
It’s at this point that the Harmony talent may be tempted to avoid the current state of affairs and retract OR even give in and give up their personal opinions to keep the peace. Neither of these options are the most helpful.
A great word to call on in these moments is: YET! Things are not harmonious – YET! We have not found common ground – YET! The key word is YET! It may not be necessary to give up your personal opinions, desires and thoughts each time nor to avoid that topic or person. While it may seem stressful at the time and you’re left feeling vulnerable, take comfort in the fact that the harmony is yet to come. Let this calm some of the anxiety. Say: this is not YET resolved. Harmony sometimes takes time.
It may be a good time for the Harmony to change track from merely identifying common agreement, but to be more actively involved in moving people toward common agreement.
How do we do this?
- Ask more questions. This gets more information on to the table with which to work. Avoid WHY questions as they often sound judgmental. Rather ask: Tell me more. How did you get to that conclusion? What would you like the outcome to be? What is the reason for… etc. This allows the others to voice their opinions and desires more extensively. You may find a hook for common agreement. The more you encourage discussion, the greater chance of finding common areas of agreement and points of negotiation. Avoidance does not open up opportunities for facilitation and/or negotiation.
- While disagreement is glaring, look again and again for common agreement. It’s so easy to give your attention to the loudest voice; the biggest emotion, but it is not always necessarily the most important voice at the time. The treasure and answers probably lie behind the emotional expressions and awkward moments. Stay and hold out long enough to get there!
- Remember that you are the one in the room that is able to see both sides of the story, issue or circumstances. You have a unique view. This gives you your voice. Use this insight as you negotiate and facilitate.
YET brings hope. YET speaks to a process unfolding. The YET space is not the destination. You have something unique to offer in this space. You will get there, just not YET!