Walking on Rubble
9/11, the towers tumbled. Rubble everywhere. Well aware, it wasn’t only the twin towers that were broken. Broken hearts, lives, dreams, systems, and countries. And more! While I cannot even begin to understand the depth of that brokenness, there was a time when many of the walls of my life came crashing down. It was devastating. Bumpy. Painful. Messy. I walked on rubble for quite a while thereafter.
Many of us are currently walking on the rubble sights of 2020. And while no two rubble sights are the same, these were some things I learnt:
- It’s okay to wait before you walk. Take time to come to terms with what lies in ruins. Look as honestly as you can at your reality. Name it if possible. Give yourself the necessary time. You don’t have to have an immediate action plan when the walls cave in. Don’t rush into making the very big decisions. You’ll know when it’s time, though you may not feel ready.
- It’s okay to walk at a slower pace. You can’t expect yourself to go at the same pace as before. Rubble slows you down. It’s new terrain, which looks and feels different. It can be dangerous too. We’d prefer to get through it- fast. But walking on rubble takes patience and needs caution. Be patient with you too. It took nine months for the wreckage of 9/11 to be cleaned up. I understand the urgency. But, facing the destruction and pain, and finding the value and beauty of what was, became a very significant part of my healing and my ability to move forward. A significant amount of watches and wedding rings were found in the rubble of 9/11. If you walk too fast on the rubble, you might also miss the treasure of the previous season. This will become more valuable to you in the future. You will cherish it forever. It takes time to find treasure midst broken pieces.
- It’s okay to walk away and walk towards something new. It’s normal to long for what was and to wish it were different. It’s difficult to say goodbye to your old reality and to let it go. Give yourself permission to let go and to move toward the new. Letting go does not mean that you don’t care or that the previous reality had no worth, purpose or meaning. It is important to get clarity on what to let go of. Decide what you will and will not take with you. Sometimes it is a thought, a habit, an issue, a relationship, an environment etc. or a combination of these. As you walk toward the new, you already begin to rebuild with what you have chosen. Bit by bit you will begin to see a new, richer and deeper beauty evolve as the new walls go up. Some of the original World Trade Center structures have been included in the design of the 9/11 museum in New York. Matt Shaw says, (it) ‘is one of the deepest buildings of its kind, both physically and metaphorically.’
There was still a lot of rubble and construction happening on site the first time I visited Ground Zero. It was raw. I was silenced. But standing around the completed waterfalls of Ground Zero last December, I stood in the silent and sacred beauty of that space. There was no rubble to be seen.
You won’t be walking on rubble forever. You will get to a place where you will look less at your feet and more at what’s ahead. And as you do, you may even be surprised by the excitement you feel of what’s to come. And that’s more than okay!